I have measured myself against other public speakers,—Members of Parliament, Platforms, Pulpits, Counsel learned in the law,—and where I have found ′em good, I have took a bit of imagination from ′em, and where I have found ′em bad, I have let ′em alone. Now I′ll tell you what. I mean to go down into my grave declaring that of all the callings ill used in Great Britain, the Cheap Jack calling is the worst used. Why ain′t we a profession? Why ain′t we endowed with privileges? Why are we forced to take out a hawker′s license, when no such thing is expected of the political hawkers? Where′s the difference betwixt us? Except that we are Cheap Jacks and they are Dear Jacks, _I_ don′t see any difference but what′s in our favour.
For look here! Say it′s election time. I am on the footboard of my cart in the market-place, on a Saturday night. I put up a general miscellaneous lot. I say: "Now here, my free and independent woters, I′m a going to give you such a chance as you never had in all your born days, nor yet the days preceding. Now I′ll show you what I am a going to do with you. Here′s a pair of razors that′ll shave you closer than the Board of Guardians; here′s a flat-iron worth its weight in gold; here′s a frying-pan artificially flavoured with essence of beefsteaks to that degree that you′ve only got for the rest of your lives to fry bread and dripping in it and there you are replete with animal food; here′s a genuine chronometer watch in such a solid silver case that you may knock at the door with it when you come home late from a social meeting, and rouse your wife and family, and save up your knocker for the postman; and here′s half-a-dozen dinner plates that you may play the cymbals with to charm baby when it′s fractious. Stop! I′ll throw in another article, and I′ll give you that, and it′s a rolling-pin; and if the baby can only get it well into its mouth when its teeth is coming and rub the gums once with it, they′ll come through double, in a fit of laughter equal to being tickled. Stop again! I′ll throw you in another article, because I don′t like the looks of you, for you haven′t the appearance of buyers unless I lose by you, and because I′d rather lose than not take money to-night, and that′s a looking-glass in which you may see how ugly you look when you don′t bid. What do you say now? Come! Do you say a pound? Not you, for you haven′t got it. Do you say ten shillings? Not you, for you owe more to the tallyman. Well then, I′ll tell you what I′ll do with you. I′ll heap ′em all on the footboard of the cart,—there they are! razors, flat watch, dinner plates, rolling-pin, and away for four shillings, and I′ll give you sixpence for your trouble!" This is me, the Cheap Jack. But on the Monday morning, in the same market-place, comes the Dear Jack on the hustings—_his_ cart—and, what does _he_ say? "Now my free and independent woters, I am a going to give you such a chance" (he begins just like me) "as you never had in all your born days, and that′s the chance of sending Myself to Parliament. Now I′ll tell you what I am a going to do for you. Here′s the interests of this magnificent town promoted above all the rest of the civilised and uncivilised earth. Here′s your railways carried, and your neighbours′ railways jockeyed. Here′s all your sons in the Post-office. Here′s Britannia smiling on you. Here′s the eyes of Europe on you.
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