He directs himself to be buried with certain eccentric ceremonies and precautions against his coming to life, with which I need not bore you, and that′s all—except—′ and this ends the story.
The Analytical Chemist returning, everybody looks at him. Not because anybody wants to see him, but because of that subtle influence in nature which impels humanity to embrace the slightest opportunity of looking at anything, rather than the person who addresses it.
′—Except that the son′s inheriting is made conditional on his marrying a girl, who at the date of the will, was a child of four or five years old, and who is now a marriageable young woman. Advertisement and inquiry discovered the son in the man from Somewhere, and at the present moment, he is on his way home from there—no doubt, in a state of great astonishment—to succeed to a very large fortune, and to take a wife.′
Mrs Podsnap inquires whether the young person is a young person of personal charms? Mortimer is unable to report.
Mr Podsnap inquires what would become of the very large fortune, in the event of the marriage condition not being fulfilled? Mortimer replies, that by special testamentary clause it would then go to the old servant above mentioned, passing over and excluding the son; also, that if the son had not been living, the same old servant would have been sole residuary legatee.
Mrs Veneering has just succeeded in waking Lady Tippins from a snore, by dexterously shunting a train of plates and dishes at her knuckles across the table; when everybody but Mortimer himself becomes aware that the Analytical Chemist is, in a ghostly manner, offering him a folded paper. Curiosity detains Mrs Veneering a few moments.
Mortimer, in spite of all the arts of the chemist, placidly refreshes himself with a glass of Madeira, and remains unconscious of the Document which engrosses the general attention, until Lady Tippins (who has a habit of waking totally insensible), having remembered where she is, and recovered a perception of surrounding objects, says: ′Falser man than Don Juan; why don′t you take the note from the commendatore?′ Upon which, the chemist advances it under the nose of Mortimer, who looks round at him, and says:
′What′s this?′
Analytical Chemist bends and whispers.
′WHO?′ Says Mortimer.
Analytical Chemist again bends and whispers.
Mortimer stares at him, and unfolds the paper. Reads it, reads it twice, turns it over to look at the blank outside, reads it a third time.
′This arrives in an extraordinarily opportune manner,′ says Mortimer then, looking with an altered face round the table: ′this is the conclusion of the story of the identical man.′
′Already married?′ one guesses.
′Declines to marry?′ another guesses.
′Codicil among the dust?′ another guesses.
′Why, no,′ says Mortimer; ′remarkable thing, you are all wrong. The story is completer and rather more exciting than I supposed. Man′s drowned!′
Chapter 3
ANOTHER MAN
As the disappearing skirts of the ladies ascended the Veneering staircase, Mortimer, following them forth from the dining-room, turned into a library of bran-new books, in bran-new bindings liberally gilded, and requested to see the messenger who had brought the paper. He was a boy of about fifteen.
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