At the man′s were a Member, an Engineer, a Payer-off of the National Debt, a Poem on Shakespeare, a Grievance, and a Public Office, who all seem to be utter strangers to Veneering. And yet immediately after that, Twemlow received an invitation to dine at Veneerings, expressly to meet the Member, the Engineer, the Payer-off of the National Debt, the Poem on Shakespeare, the Grievance, and the Public Office, and, dining, discovered that all of them were the most intimate friends Veneering had in the world, and that the wives of all of them (who were all there) were the objects of Mrs Veneering′s most devoted affection and tender confidence.
Thus it had come about, that Mr Twemlow had said to himself in his lodgings, with his hand to his forehead: ′I must not think of this. This is enough to soften any man′s brain,′—and yet was always thinking of it, and could never form a conclusion.
This evening the Veneerings give a banquet. Eleven leaves in the Twemlow; fourteen in company all told. Four pigeon-breasted retainers in plain clothes stand in line in the hall. A fifth retainer, proceeding up the staircase with a mournful air—as who should say, ′Here is another wretched creature come to dinner; such is life!′—announces, ′Mis-ter Twemlow!′
Mrs Veneering welcomes her sweet Mr Twemlow. Mr Veneering welcomes his dear Twemlow. Mrs Veneering does not expect that Mr Twemlow can in nature care much for such insipid things as babies, but so old a friend must please to look at baby. ′Ah! You will know the friend of your family better, Tootleums,′ says Mr Veneering, nodding emotionally at that new article, ′when you begin to take notice.′ He then begs to make his dear Twemlow known to his two friends, Mr Boots and Mr Brewer—and clearly has no distinct idea which is which.
But now a fearful circumstance occurs.
′Mis-ter and Mis-sus Podsnap!′
′My dear,′ says Mr Veneering to Mrs Veneering, with an air of much friendly interest, while the door stands open, ′the Podsnaps.′
A too, too smiling large man, with a fatal freshness on him, appearing with his wife, instantly deserts his wife and darts at Twemlow with:
′How do you do? So glad to know you. Charming house you have here. I hope we are not late. So glad of the opportunity, I am sure!′
When the first shock fell upon him, Twemlow twice skipped back in his neat little shoes and his neat little silk stockings of a bygone fashion, as if impelled to leap over a sofa behind him; but the large man closed with him and proved too strong.
′Let me,′ says the large man, trying to attract the attention of his wife in the distance, ′have the pleasure of presenting Mrs Podsnap to her host. She will be,′ in his fatal freshness he seems to find perpetual verdure and eternal youth in the phrase, ′she will be so glad of the opportunity, I am sure!′
In the meantime, Mrs Podsnap, unable to originate a mistake on her own account, because Mrs Veneering is the only other lady there, does her best in the way of handsomely supporting her husband′s, by looking towards Mr Twemlow with a plaintive countenance and remarking to Mrs Veneering in a feeling manner, firstly, that she fears he has been rather bilious of late, and, secondly, that the baby is already very like him.
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