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Sketches of Young Couples. Charles Dickens

As the whole eight are screaming, shouting, or kicking— some influenced by a ravenous appetite, some by a horror of the stranger, and some by a conflict of the two feelings—a pretty long space elapses before all their heads can be ranged round the table and anything like order restored; in bringing about which happy state of things both the nurse and footman are severely scratched. At length Mrs. Whiffler is heard to say, ′Mr. Saunders, shall I give you some pudding?′ A breathless silence ensues, and sixteen small eyes are fixed upon the guest in expectation of his reply. A wild shout of joy proclaims that he has said ′No, thank you.′ Spoons are waved in the air, legs appear above the table-cloth in uncontrollable ecstasy, and eighty short fingers dabble in damson syrup.

While the pudding is being disposed of, Mr. and Mrs. Whiffler look on with beaming countenances, and Mr. Whiffler nudging his friend Saunders, begs him to take notice of Tom′s eyes, or Dick′s chin, or Ned′s nose, or Mary Anne′s hair, or Emily′s figure, or little Bob′s calves, or Fanny′s mouth, or Carry′s head, as the case may be. Whatever the attention of Mr. Saunders is called to, Mr. Saunders admires of course; though he is rather confused about the sex of the youngest branches and looks at the wrong children, turning to a girl when Mr. Whiffler directs his attention to a boy, and falling into raptures with a boy when he ought to be enchanted with a girl. Then the dessert comes, and there is a vast deal of scrambling after fruit, and sudden spirting forth of juice out of tight oranges into infant eyes, and much screeching and wailing in consequence. At length it becomes time for Mrs. Whiffler to retire, and all the children are by force of arms compelled to kiss and love Mr. Saunders before going up-stairs, except Tom, who, lying on his back in the hall, proclaims that Mr. Saunders ′is a naughty beast;′ and Dick, who having drunk his father′s wine when he was looking another way, is found to be intoxicated and is carried out, very limp and helpless.

Mr. Whiffler and his friend are left alone together, but Mr. Whiffler′s thoughts are still with his family, if his family are not with him. ′Saunders,′ says he, after a short silence, ′if you please, we′ll drink Mrs. Whiffler and the children.′ Mr. Saunders feels this to be a reproach against himself for not proposing the same sentiment, and drinks it in some confusion. ′Ah!′ Mr. Whiffler sighs, ′these children, Saunders, make one quite an old man.′ Mr. Saunders thinks that if they were his, they would make him a very old man; but he says nothing. ′And yet,′ pursues Mr. Whiffler, ′what can equal domestic happiness? what can equal the engaging ways of children! Saunders, why don′t you get married?′ Now, this is an embarrassing question, because Mr. Saunders has been thinking that if he had at any time entertained matrimonial designs, the revelation of that day would surely have routed them for ever. ′I am glad, however,′ says Mr. Whiffler, ′that you ARE a bachelor,—glad on one account, Saunders; a selfish one, I admit. Will you do Mrs. Whiffler and myself a favour?′ Mr. Saunders is surprised—evidently surprised; but he replies, ′with the greatest pleasure.′ ′Then, will you, Saunders,′ says Mr.

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